My spiritual journey
Last year (2014) I decided to look into Buddhism and what it
entails. Buddhism for me is all about yourself and the mind and trying to find
peace and harmony in your life that means letting go or accepting past events
that may have been negative in your life or any grudges that may disturb your present
life experience and state of mind. I found this extremely difficult at first as
I had to go back and relive these moments that I has put to the back of my mind
and the feeling and emotions that’s came with them but I found that once I had
overcome it a weight was lifted off my shoulders I no longer felt guilty about
my past nor did I hate myself ( worrying if I am good enough or my appearance
or the fact that I am kind hearted person) I started to feel comfortable within
myself and that started to show. I told
myself only positive things n people could only be in my life and negative people
had to go which at this point I felt I was strong enough to do this and not
feel bad doing so. I had researched a lot on Buddhism last year and felt like
this was the path for me but I was not entirely sure nor was I ready to commit
to changing the way I think and changing my lifestyle .
This year (2015) I thought about it a lot I had read a lot
of books, YouTube, searching things on the net and went to a temple to start
meditating classes. I realised that Buddhism had made me really happy and had now
become a part of my lifestyle that it was hard to turn back and be my ’old’
self again so September I decided this is it, it now or never I am going to practise
Buddhism and I am going to stick with it and it the best thing that I could
have done in my life. It has changed the way I think about myself and others I feel
more compassion for people, more love and I feel like mentally it is helping me
to see what I want in life and that is to just be happy. I sense a bit more
peace in my mind and a sense of belonging and the self-doubt that I had within
my self has nearly disappeared although I do question myself sometimes on my
character. For me this is a healing process and to get a better understanding
of myself and I believe on this journey I will learn a lot about me that I did
not know.
What I learnt so far is that having compassion for others
does not make you weak nor does caring and wanting to help other just as long
as people are not taking advantage of your kindness that when you need to re-evaluate
and see if it that person is worth keeping ( for your peace of mind). I learnt
that it is okay to let things go not everything that happens in your life needs
an argument or an explanation as some things are self-explanatory and that it okay to move on and get on with life don’t compromise
yourself for anyone as it your happiness that will be affected. And also that I
cannot change who I am and I just have to accept that, don’t be something that you’re
not because you will be miserable.
This is the happiest I felt in my life where I feel in don’t
have to please other people. My mum said this me a while back “what’s the worst
someone can say? No” and that has stuck me if someone does not want in in their
life or does not accept the way you are then they was never meant to be there. Don’t
let negative people break your good sprit and always remember to smile because
this could brighten up someone’s day you never know what other people are
feeling and you may have had helped them that day.
As for what I am going to do now is continue on my journey
and continue to document this as I go along and hope that I can inspire someone
else out there who wants to change their life and way of thinking but don’t know
how or where to start. I believe this is the start of me finding true happiness
within myself.
